Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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