Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
