sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
