we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
