does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
