This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
