Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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