so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
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you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
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Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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