Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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