you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm passing your future prison.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
