Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
