I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So vagazzling was a success
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
