Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
