Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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