i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
