her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just found a bag of teeth...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
