I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize