There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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