Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
