Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
