i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize