your thong is hanging out like whoa
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
cat food counts as protein by the way
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
