Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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