I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
