All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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