I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
