omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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