i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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