guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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