honey bunches of taint.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
