Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
