Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
you made out with another girl for some wings
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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