Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
