I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
