Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
