got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
