You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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