My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
