so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
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I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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