Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
