I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Enjoy the penises
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
