we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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