Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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