your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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