You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
