I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
