...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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