I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
