So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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