we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
