I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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