I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
