You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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