I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Drunk is not a location!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
