u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
