Don't make out with my wife yet
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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