Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
