How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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