yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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