I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
