Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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