Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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