I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
