we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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