Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
cat food counts as protein by the way
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
