He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
