I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize