Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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