suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
