Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you will always have a special place in my vag
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
