Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
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so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
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That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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