I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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