Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
