My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
