my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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