Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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